when you’re starving and a friend offers you a piece of their food
YOU EAT YOUR FRIEND?!
Came across this Hallmark card at Walgreens tonight.. I had to do a double take. First time I’ve seen a lesbian Mother’s Day card. :)
Female spies having short hair of varying lengths because long hair is inconvenient for spy work
Female spies wearing flat shoes or cool as hell boots when on missions because heels are troublesome
Female spies wearing binders on missions because it’s hard to sneak through small spaces with large breasts
Female spies seducing rival female spies
British Kitchen Nightmares: “The risotto is overcooked and your restaurant needs new lighting.”
American Kitchen Nightmares: “YOUR STAFF DOES DRUGS ON THE CLOCK, YOUR FAMILY THINKS YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE AND THERE’S A LIVE RAT IN MY FOOD.”
I bought you these flowers because I know that they’re not your favorite and they’re covered in pollen and you have allergies and I figured that they might attract bees and I know that a bee sting could send you into a bee coma or whatever happens when wimps like you get stung by bees.
I got sent to the hall in Japanese class for laughing so hard at this I hate this post
when u use ur boobs to get someone to notice u